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Posted on October 9, 2017 by

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joseph massie

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I know it’s only March, but the bugs are out in full force in Alabama and I’m apparently extra sweet! 😉 I was out pulling up a few weeds in the yard yesterday and felt one bite my right on the back of the neck (treatment side of course) So by bedtime, that sucker had swelled up like a watermelon. One of the “gifts” of surgery where lymph nodes are removed is some extra fluid accumulation due to my body not really knowing how to drain the fluid anymore so here we are. A few years ago I would have though something was REALLY wrong and spent days spiraling the drain but thanks to the good Lord and 5+ years of healing, now Ill just pop a Benadryl and exist with this fruit sized itchy spot on the back of my neck for a few days. 😜 Swipe to see how dang close this bite is to my scar! (And God bless my surgeon 🫶🏻 and that resident that stitched me up too!)
This is us a week ago. And life is pretty normal these days. We stay busy with our jobs, travel as much as we can, spend as much time together as we can, and generally take one day at a time. If I’m honest, not much shakes me much anymore. (For instance, I’ve had some sore throat respiratory junk for a week or so and cancer has floated past my mind but it also kept going without any panic🤯) However, also being honest, some days cut me at the knees and I just feel icky and blanketed in the nastiness of anxiety. It’s not anxiety about anything cancer related. The trigger actually isn’t really identifiable most of the time. But the icky symptoms still persist in these moments. The back of my neck gets hot, slight nausea sets in, I lose all semblance of an appetite, and it takes hours for me to recover. And I LOATHE these days more than anything.
My Mom is having surgery today (non-cancer related thank God) but still feels a little nervy to be back in a surgical waiting room. There’s a full Moses kind of flood of memories and feelings that go along with the entire essence of these kinds of places. Our first family surgery was for Mom’s lumpectomy in 2015 followed by my parotidectomy in 2017 🙃 and while I am FAR beyond where I ever thought I’d be in terms of healing (especially mentally) I can’t help but think back to those very distinct and anxious moments before I went back for prep (and at that point I didn’t even know Glanda was malignant). Humbled today but progress, by the Lord’s provision and protection, and the grace and mercy to even be sitting here today. Say a prayer for my mama if you get a minute. She’s got a decent recovery ahead of her! 🦵🏻
Infertile Myrtle || Gone, Glanda, Gone
5 years since the first fraction. 5 years of extreme healing and growth behind me. It will never stop feeling like yesterday and a billion years ago at the same time. Onward and upward. #goneglandagone
Yesterday was 5yrs since my radiation simulation…hands down the scariest day of the entire radiation process for me. I didn’t even make it back to my desk before I broke down sobbing because it was real. It was happening. And I didn’t want it to be. I asked for the pictures for my blog #goneglandagone, but even 5yrs out they still make me a little uneasy. That Freddy Krueger mask saved my life though and my tears from the SIM process smiled back at me letting me know that it was all going to be just fine. Thank you, Jesus. May we always let the memories of our painful experiences continue to humble and heal us! Onward and upward, friends!

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